about perfection, I guess...

I can't think of anything to say. So I'm going to start making random lists and see where they take me. This is probably the only post where you get to see the process, and not just the end result (or the part of the result my perfectionist self sees fit to post). Because I have to admit, being a perfectionist gets tiring after a while. There are times when you just Stop Caring about being perfect. And now is one of those times for me. So...

Things that scare me (in no particular order): 

• other people getting mad at me
• watching people I love get hurt (especially when they hurt themselves)
• disappointing the people I love
• not being content (I can never just enjoy the present. I'm always -almost always- looking forward to something. And I don't want to look back at my life later and realize that I missed some of the best parts.)
• being a failure (I don't mind making mistakes half as much as being a failure. But everyone hates making mistakes)
• getting angry enough to pretend I don't care what happens
• people lying to me

Okay, that's getting depressing. And personal. Personal is nasty. But it also makes me think about stuff I really don't want t think about. But that's enough nasty for now. 

Things that make me happy:

• hugs
• animals
• dreams
• feeling comfortable enough to be myself
• taking chances (part of that might be my natural rebellion)
• waking up
• laying in bed with the lights off, daydreaming (Um...would it be called nightdreaming?)
• reading, writing and 'rithmetic (I mean it)

And I'm thinking of a ton of things for that list, mostly books that make me happy. 

Books I like (Not quite the same thing, but...what the heck. And these are only a few of the good books I've read recently): 

• Incantation, by Alice Hoffman
• The Moonstone, by William Wilkie Collins
• The Giver, Gathering Blue and Messenger, by Lois Lowry
• Catherine, Called Birdy, by Karen Cushman
• A Long Way From Chicago and A Year Down Yonder, Richard Peck
• The Outsiders and That Was Then, This is Now, by S. E. Hinton
• A Mind to Murder, by P. D. James
• Hope was Here, by Joan Bauer
• Cage of Stars, by Jacquelyn Mitchard
• Whirligig, by Paul Fleishman

By no means a complete list. I haven't even attempted to include some all-time favourites. And actually, those aren't the most cheerful of books. But I love the characters in all of them, and for me, the characters are (on average) half of the book, while plot is 45% and voice is about 5%. Those numbers can shift though. 

This is an okay length now, and it's 9:44 PM. I'm going to bed. And maybe I won't delete this post tomorrow morning when I wake up sane. Just maybe.